


Missing

by LoversSpit400



Category: Chicago Med, Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: I'm kinda sorry, angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:03:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21990187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoversSpit400/pseuds/LoversSpit400
Summary: How Will tries to move on after his brother's death.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 34





	Missing

Will woke up with a loud gasp. His eyes shot wide up, his skin was sweating and shivers ran through his whole body. For a second he let himself think it was all a nightmare, that everything was like it was before, but reality came crashing down on him again and he fell back on the bed, just like he had done all those times before. 

He looked at the window and the sky was still dark with a few stars shining, the street was quiet enough for him to know it was the middle of the night and the silence made him feel like he was the only man awake in Chicago. 

The more he looked at the window more his bed seem to heat and in a few moments he felt like the whole room was surrounded by this invisible fire that was burning his insides and cooking him alive. The blanked around him flew as he kicked them before he decided to get up and go to the kitchen and drink some water. 

It has been weeks but the hole in his chest that he felt went Dr. Marcel came out of the OR way too soon to have good news was still there. He knew by his colleague face what had happened but was only when Marcel told him he was sorry that he let himself fall on the chair and shut the world outside him. He still didn’t opened it. 

His phone’s battery died three days ago and he still didn’t have the will to put it to charge, mostly because he knew he would have to face people, read texts and somehow face his reality and he wasn’t ready for this. 

When the bottle of water was completely empty he kept staring at it, not really thinking about anything. 

He took his eyes off the bottle when the first rays of sunshine busted through the window and illuminated the room. He probably should make himself some coffee, but again he couldn’t find the will to do it, so he moved to the couch and laid there, staring at the dark TV screen. 

His mind tricked him once again and he remembered how he used to sit in there with his brother, a bottle of beer at their hands as they watched some game, rooting for their team. In the quiet room he could still hear Jay's laugh and his protests when the team was losing, even though he was coaching them by distance. 

Now all Will had left was these little memories from the time he was happy and the sunken feeling that he would never feel this way again. Tears were skipping from his eyes one more time and he just let them. 

He heard a knock on the door, another, then other and with a deep breath he decided to get up. 

Behind the door stood Hailey. Her blonde hair was in a ponytail, just like it was in the day it happened, her eyes were sad, but not as red as they were in the last time he saw her. She was with her normal clothes, making him wonder what day of the week it was. 

“I looked for you in the hospital but they told me you weren’t working there anymore.” She told him, her voice small but she stared at his eyes. 

“Yeah. I resigned.” He spoke, his voice was rusky from the time he didn’t use it. 

“Will…”

“Do you have something to tell me?” He cut her before she could continue. Right now he didn’t need it. 

“Can I come in?” 

There was a moment of silence before he opened the door further and got out of the way. 

His apartment was surprisingly clean apart from his bedroom - the bed was unmade for a whole week now - and the empty bottle of water at the kitchen counter. He noticed how Hailey checked every single space she could, making sure she knew what she was dealing with. 

He sat on the couch and waited for her to do the same. 

“They charged Angela for the murder and she is going to county as we speak. We made a deal, she won’t say anything and she will get the minimum time.” 

Will wanted to be as mad as Hailey sounded when he heard her, but he was numbed by it all, nothing he said or done would bring his brother back, so he only nodded. 

After an uncomfortable silence sat upon them, Hailey got up and made her way out of the living room towards the door. 

“Hailey.” Will heard the words coming out of his mouth before he had the chance to think about it. She turned and faced him. “I’m sorry for yelling at you all at the hospital… I was…” 

_ “How could you not tell me! He is my brother!” He was shouting in the middle at the ED, right at Voight’s face. From all the years he knew the man, he never saw him so sad and broken.  _

_ “Will, we were worried about finding him.” Voight’s calmly said.  _

_ “That turned out great, didn’t it?”  _

_ People were looking at the unilateral fight happening, instead of anger they all were looking at him with pity.  _

“No, that’s okay, we all understand.” Hailey softly said coming closer to him. “Honestly I would rather you yelling and cursing than what I’m seeing right now.” 

He looked ashamed. It had been awhile since he diagnosed himself with depression, he knew he needed help, he knew he couldn’t get lost in his sorrow and grief, but it all was better said than done. 

“How do you do it?” He asked. “I get up every day and think that he didn’t get the chance of doing so. I tried to walk my dog and thought about how I used to do it with him. I can’t even have a beer and not think about how he was my best friend, but everyone else seems to be doing fine. You are still working on a desk in front of his and I can’t even walk into the hospital I used work for because there was where he died.” 

The tears were running through his cheeks one more time as they looked at each other. 

“Me and Jay, we had a thing. One of us had a hard day at work, we talked and them we were back the other day, did our job and helped as many people as we could. Walking into the Intelligence while he's not there is the hardest thing I do every single day, sometimes I don’t want. Sometimes I don’t even go. But I know he would want me to, so I put a brave face and go. Keep helping people.” 

The words hung on Will’s head and finally settle.

“I’m leaving Chicago.” 

“What?” She spoke in disbelief. 

“I can’t be here anymore. I have a friend in New York, so I’m going back there for a while.” 

“When will you come back?” 

“I don’t plan on doing that.” 

“Will, this is crazy. You-”

“I have nothing here. The only person I had is now seven feet under.” 

“Don’t say it like this… You have us.”

“Right now I just need to be away from this city, this place” He was talking like it all were disgusted him, like it all was to blame on his brother’s death. Like this was poison in his month. 

“So I guess this is a goodbye.” Now it was Hailey's time to let her tears fall like no one was looking. When Will nodded, she came closer and hugged him as tight as she could. 

When she closed the door and let Will alone in his apartment one more time he thought about how talking to someone that understood actually was helpful, how he felt lighter. Still, he searched for flights to New York, found a place to rent and started to pack his bags a few hours after. 

It took almost two weeks for him to pack everything he needed, grab a car and head towards the airport. He left messages for everyone who was important to him; thanked Natalie for coming over at least three times every week to make sure he had eaten something, Marcel for doing everything he could, Goodwin for having his back and saying “you can always come back”. That had meant more than she probably knew. The Intelligence deserved more, so he went there himself and thanked everyone, especially Voight for taking care of his brother the best he could. 

Now his last stop towards the airport was in the cemetery. 

Like a ghost he walked through the rows of headstones, until he finally found the one with his brother's name on it. He felt strange, thinking that he should have gotten him flowers or something that showed Jay he cared. 

“Hey Jay.” His stomach was feeling sick as he talked to a piece of stone like it was his brother. “I’m sorry for not coming here sooner, I think I didn’t want to face that now that how it’s going to be.” 

He sighed.

“For a while I was hating myself for breathing without you and I really didn’t want to feel anything anymore just because of you. So I’m running away like always.” A bitter laugh escaped. “I think this is better than the other option I thought, so I’m going back to New York. Maybe there I don’t have to see your shadow and I won't think that you’re alive, and have to lose you all over again everytime that I remember you are not." 

His fingers followed the carved name on the headstone. 

“I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone. Tell you that I love you more than anything, since I couldn’t do that in the hospital. I promise you I won’t go back into partying and losing myself. I swear. I just need to get away from here. So… I’m leaving this city, not you. You’ll always be with me, I know. I just wanted to explain that to you.” 

For a few more minutes he stood there just feeling the wind on his hair, listening to the birds singing and watching as the sun illuminated the cemetery. 

He got up and left Chicago behind. 


End file.
